So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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