I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
