Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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