I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
