i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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