i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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