wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
