He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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