It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
