i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
