Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
