He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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