I feel like I'm in dance class right now
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
