That's when you crack a 10am beer
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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