my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
