It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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