ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
