a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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