You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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