you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize