They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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