totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you