The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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