This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
