He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is the high leading the old right now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
