Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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