I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my vag is so smooth its legendary
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need moral support for this bender
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
