Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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