So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
