Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do herpes really smell.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
