im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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