does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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