I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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