The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
