With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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