I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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