I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
