If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just found puke in my bra..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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