I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Randomize
