You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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