Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
