somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
