Non-Jews are for practice
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
