She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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