Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
