Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I looked at my own cervix.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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