We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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