I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
