She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
