Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
