first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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