My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
