bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
