I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
