i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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