The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
