I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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