My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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