Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
