Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
