get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i am craving dick and cupcakes
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
