My room smells like vodka and shame
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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