Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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