Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
