okay pat passed out under dana's car
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
