Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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