Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
