doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's the barista slut.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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