i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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