You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
