Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
