she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
