its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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