I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
